Twisted And Depraved But We Watched (Blame The Pandemic)

August 8, 2020,

We’re about to do something that we normally don’t do. Why? We’ve been sheltering in and are under the influence of the following expressions:

You have too much time on your hands.

You need to get out more.

Live a little.

Take a walk on the wild side (be sure and wear a mask).

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Ride a wild horse into the sun.

Oh those were the days.

We just didn’t know how good we had it.

We left one out. People who are always making jokes about sex are clearly living a stable life if that is the major thing on their mind, they just don’t know it.

They could be talking about being unemployed, having a serious health issue, having lost their home or other modern day nasties.

Whoever came up with those previous expressions clearly never lived through a coronavirus global pandemic as we are currently doing. Without our permission we might add. It has brought way to much excitement into our lives. Far more than we desire. Way more than we need. Widely more than we want.

It is bringing some crazy dangerous times into our lives.

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We prefer watching people go through global pandemics and localized nightmares on film. Not in real life. Especially our own.

Why couldn’t it just happen on film? We still need to be distracted.

Distraction is a good idea.

So, we decided to watch some crazy movies that depicted people in trouble so we could feel better about our own troubles.

We’re in trouble, just a different kind.

The key to the films, so that we can feel better about our own pathetic plight, is that the protagonists had to do something stupid, well, many things stupid, to get themselves into this horrific situation.

We found a sadistic gem. Don’t hold it against us.

Now part of our job is to review films and learn real life lessons to apply. We must admit, some of the films get really gross and sick. So horrific and depraved, we won’t even say the titles here. They cross some really unruly lines.

Even though we won’t say the title, look at some of the reviews. It just proves there are people far move sick and depraved than we can very rarely be. Very rarely.

Take a look.

Yippee.

Still, we enjoyed watching them even though we had to close our eyes a few times.

Okay, here goes.

“Having studied thousands of films in my life, I can safely say this tops them all. Absolutely beautiful beginning to end. A stunning array of characters‑all with an incredible role to play. It had a tear jerking, moving storyline with such beautiful moments.”

Beautiful moments?

Really? This film is so nasty what in the world were the beautiful moments? Tear jerking? There were a lot of jerks but very little tears. Oh well.

Warning, though the following film will temporarily take your mind off of your troubles, please remember, it truly deserves its R rating. Watch it at your own sadistic risk.

Don’t blame us.

Having said that, we had to watch. There is something about two beautiful girls getting revenge that makes us forget our troubles (and depravity).

“It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it; every complaint already contains revenge.”… Friedrich Nietzsche

Here is the storyline. We’re going to edit and add words so that you can’t just cut and paste, control C and find it.

Two beautiful babes, Sloane and Katie (terrific clue), head out to rural America to work on an eco-friendly farm. They need the money so later they can go on a shopping holiday to New York.

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Clearly very shallow and selfish.

The producer obviously wants the audience to root against them.

At least in the beginning.

Couldn’t they raise money for charity instead?

They are offered a ride to the farm by some friendly local young men (bad decision). Turns out the men’s intentions aren’t all friendly and they are soon held prisoner by them. While in their care they are brutalized.

Do they give up? No. They still want to go shopping.

They escape and plan their revenge.

And how.

Meanwhile, the uncle of one of the girls, an FBI detective, suspects something is wrong and comes looking for them.

We haven’t given you the title yet.

On purpose.

You see, if you have already read the storyline, and you still want the title, an argument could be made that you need as much help as we do.

So were not going to give it to you just yet.

Now please remember, this is not your Lifetime movie sex trafficking serious film based upon a true events. In those films, the young women involved never get revenge and they play by the legal rules, which they should. They never talk about going shopping either.

The babes in this film make up the rules as they go along and the rules are bloody and brutal.

And revenge?

It’s best served up bloody red. In hot pants no less.

“Revenge is the naked idol of the worship of a semi-barbarous age.”… Percy Bysshe Shelley

We thought after they escaped the sex-traffickers that they would at least change into some long pants but for some reason they kept the booty shorts on.

Want the title?

We’re thinking about it. But not just yet.

What was intriguing about the film was the metamorphosis that takes place within the two girl’s personalities. In the beginning one is preoccupied with shopping, bonking her friend’s older relatives, frivolous sexual encounters and risqué jokes but all of that goes by the wayside as their predicament deepens.

The various approaches they use to make their predators pay for their sins is done with tongue in cheek brutal creativity. Is it sick and twisted? Absolutely. That’s what makes it more fun.

We enjoyed this movie so much that we decided to watch another female revenge film.

As far as the title of the above film that we left out, we decided not to say what it is. If you truly want to watch it, and be distracted, you’re going to have to do that on your own. You might become addicted. We wouldn’t want to do that to you. Bad influence and all.

As for us, we have the perfect excuse.

We don’t normally do this. We virtually always refer to Lifetime movies for our life lessons learned. Why the change?

We have too much time on our hands.

We need to get out more.

We wanted to live a little.

We decided to take a walk on the wild side (wearing a mask).

We felt nothing ventured, nothing gained.

We wanted to ride a wild stallion into the sun (wearing gloves and a mask).

Are you disappointed with us? Have you lost respect for us? Do you feel that we violated our prime movie review directive?

If so, we have the perfect excuse,