You’ve Fallen In Love, Remain In The Friend Zone Or Pursue Romance?
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October 4, 2022,
To be or not to be?
No, it’s more like to do or not to do.
Make love, that is.
Sometimes you should.
Sometimes you shouldn’t.
How can you tell?
It depends, but based upon real life, we do have some clues.
Here are a couple of tales from the front. Real life stories.
Max is in our circle.
He is middle aged, conservative, once in organized religion and now happily married and monogamous.
You would never know but, he did have his bad boy days.
As a teenager.
Pretty boy face, handsome, masculine, charming, cold, cruel and detached.
The girls loved him.
Most of the girls he met, he pulled the trigger and made love to them. There was one that he felt he should not, didn’t, and to this day, though he was in love with her, glad he didn’t.
They stayed in the Friend Zone.
Why?
He first met Kathleen as a child. His family was camping in Western Canada and met this wonderful family from the American Midwest.
She was younger than him, about 10 years old, with glasses, a true kiddie.
He was 12 and on the verge of being a teenager, physically and emotionally.
The two families had a great time.
A few years later, when Kathleen was 15 and Max was 17, her family came to visit his in Northern California.
Simply put, Kathleen was not a kiddie anymore, instead she blossomed into a gorgeous strawberry blonde teenage girl.
Max was smitten with her.
As the families socialized, Max and Kathleen spent the most their time together. Both families began to notice that.
One of Max’s favorite memories with Kathleen was when, as teenagers, they took the Bart train into San Francisco, hung out and did a lot of things together except one.
They never kissed.
The next day while the families were away and Kathleen was alone with Max in his room and they were talking, Max decided to take a risk and placed his hand on Kathleen’s right thigh.
She didn’t say anything.
Kathleen always looked so sexy in tight blue jeans.
Max thought about kissing her but then didn’t, He slowly removed his hand from her thigh and kept talking as though it never happened. Why?
Max knew that given the Midwest farming community where Kathleen was from, in that more innocent time period, she was not the girlfriend.
She is the wife.
As far as Max goes?
He is not a moral man.
Max, though at this point still a virgin, knew that he wanted to sleep with a large number of teenage girls and women. The thought of being like his parents, who married as teenagers, remained monogamous and would stay married for over sixty years was not something that Max wanted.
He knew that as early as 12 years old.
So, he and Kathleen remained in the Friend Zone.
In their circle, virtually everyone knew the two teenagers were attracted to one another.
They would eventually grow, marry others and lose contact.
To this day it deeply pains Max that he never consummated anything with Kathleen but he felt he made the right decision.
Her feelings were not something to be toyed around with and their families were too close.
Do we think he made the right decision?
It’s not for us to say.
Nor anyone else for that matter.
If you have been in the Friend Zone before, you know what we mean.
You are deeply attracted to another person, maybe in love with them but for some reason if you cross the line into full blown romance, you could ruin something very special and beautiful that is so hard to find.
It either leads towards marriage or emotional trauma where one person may feel betrayed, used or damaged.
Sometimes, not consummating your relationship, painful though it may be, is the best thing to do.
Two emotional songs depict both sides of the coin.
Paper Roses is sung by the legendary Marie Osmond of the famous singing family, The Osmonds. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bVKxRhM1P8
“I realize the way your eyes deceive me
With tender looks that I mistook for love
So take away the flowers that you gave me
And send the kind that you remind me of
Paper roses, paper roses,
Oh how real those roses seem to me
But they’re only imitation
Like your imitation love for me.”
That is the song that Kathleen might have sung if Max had sex with her and didn’t marry her.
Max did not want their story to end that way.
Another song by the talented group, The Poni Tails. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3mfPDSbl-4
“Born too late for you to notice me
To you, I’m just a kid
That you won’t date
Why was I born too late?
Born too late to have a chance
To win your love
Oh, why, oh, why
Was it my fate
To be born too late?
I see you walk with another
I wish it could be me
I long to hold you and kiss you
But I know it never can be.”
Sad, but true. Even though there are mutual feelings, maybe love, sometimes you are born a little too late.
Time to turn to film.
By nature of the designation Friend Zone, films with that title are often romantic comedies.
We never watch any of them.
For those of us who have experienced the Friend Zone, like in Max’s case, at least four times, the endings are always sad or painful or both, and yet it has to be.
Those experiences are anything but comedic.
So, from our view, if you really want to experience the Friend Zone, past and closer to present, we will give you two examples.
Splendor in the Grass is a 1961 American period drama film produced and directed by Elia Kazan, from a screenplay written by William Inge.
It stars Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty, in his film debut, as two high school sweethearts, navigating feelings of sexual repression, love, and heartbreak.
Splendor in the Grass was released theatrically on October 10, 1961, by Warner Bros. Pictures to critical and commercial success, grossing $4 million, and received two nominations at the 34th Academy Awards for Best Actress (for Wood) and Best Original Screenplay, winning the latter.
In brief, here is the storyline.
In 1928 Kansas, teenagers Wilma Dean “Deanie” Loomis and her boyfriend, Bud Stamper, want a more physically intimate relationship, but heed the advice of their parents not to become more involved for the sake of Deanie’s reputation and Bud’s future plans for college.
They eventually break up, live unhappy lives and re-unite years later only to find that they can never be together.
This is one of the more emotionally toughest films we have ever seen.
Let’s move up the timeline.
The best depiction of this subject matter is aptly titled Friendzone on MTV.
Friendzone is a dating, relationship reality television series produced by 495 Productions and airs on MTV.
The show follows people who have romantic feelings for one of their friends. Sally Ann Salsano created the show based upon one of her personal experiences.
Not surprising. The Friend Zone is virtually always very personal.
Here is the typical plot.
Each episode of Friendzone features two stories. In each story, the person with romantic feelings (the crusher) wants to express these feelings to the target of their feelings (the crushee).
Sometimes the person of interest is surprised and say yes, let’s leave the Friend Zone and become romantically involved, possibly get married.
Other times they are taken aback and sympathize but views the one who wants to go forward as only a friend.
It can be very painful. Certainly, at times, was for us.
Trust us, this series is not a Romantic Comedy.
If you becomes friends with another and, at least in your eyes, it could be blossoming into love, you may think about leaving the Friend Zone and pursing something more permanent.
Our suggestion?
Don’t be in a rush.
Tread carefully.
Your decision will resonate for the rest of your life.
~ ~ ~
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splendor_in_the_Grass
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendzone_(TV_series)
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