Why So Many Women Are Not Attracted To Nice Guys

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June 17, 2022

Kindness is weakness.

Many people actually believe that. Do you believe that? We can find out with a test. Fair enough?

A car has broken down alongside the highway. It is raining and expected to get chillier that night.

We won’t make this too hard for you. There are no children in the car. Nor a dog. Believe it or not, that dog receiving help, in some circles, is more important than helping humans. We won’t even use a beautiful woman as a prop. Nor a clearly feminine helpless one.

The person flagging down help is a man. Nicely dressed with a fresh haircut.

Will you stop for him? Stay inside your car and ask what is going on? You don’t have to give him a ride. Would you stop or just keep going?

Most in our circle decided not to reply.

We’ll take that as a “no”.

One who did reply said that he wouldn’t stop. Why?

Why doesn’t this nicely dressed man have a cell phone or a towing insurance plan? Something is not right. That alone would make our friend keep driving.

From his view, we live in a world of concealed predators where most people take kindness for weakness.

He also feels that women are less attracted to kind men. He is financially successful, single and does sleep around. He accepts that he will probably never marry but does get a lot of dates.

Some in high places appear to agree.

The team at elitedaily.com gets this party started. They muse, “Most women claim to want the guy who is sensitive, emotionally fluent and intimate. Yet, when it comes down to it, women consistently chase after the “bad boy,” the guy who is narcissistic, self-absorbed and avoids all forms of intimacy as if they were infectious diseases.”


We seek more.

In her thought provoking article titled, Women Who Are Turned Off By Nice Guys, Jill P. Weber Ph.D. states, “Some women tell me they are not attracted to men who directly state a desire to get to know and date them. Instead, they are attracted to distant and noncommittal personalities and say they relish the challenge and the thrill of the romantic chase that these men present. They may see a man who openly expresses an interest in them as soft and not sufficiently masculine.”

She goes on to add that for women with this attitude, the most comfortable way to romantically connect is by hooking up at parties and bars with men they don’t know very well or don’t know at all. The random hook up is an exciting roll of the dice and it can be validating, if only on a physical level.

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It is an interesting read. Here is the link.


The article was written back in February of 2013.

Vogue Magazine gets in on the act.

When it comes to subjects like this, don’t they always.

The title of their fascinating article is “Why Is It So Hard To Like Nice Guys?” Here is one answer, “After getting over a series of one-sided relationships, Susan Sontag reminisces in a diary entry from 1968: “I always fell for the bullies—thinking: if they don’t find me so hot they must be great. Their rejection of me showed their superior qualities, their good taste.”

We get it.

It is kind of the theory, if he is so easy for me to get, then other women can get him so easily as well. If he is a challenge and hard to get, I must be more attractive than those other women.


Ironically these might be the same women who see men as pigs or dogs.

Our friend tended to fall into that category.

He doesn’t do it as much now as he did before but, if a woman comes on to him, he will accept her offer because he is almost guaranteed to have sex with her. It is an open invitation.

Is she marriage material?

In his mind, absolutely not. On a host of levels.

First of all, she is too weak.

In today’s harsh world, it takes two tough people to really make it. Since he has a college degree, he expects any woman that he is attracted to should have one as well.

Bare minimum.

He is not into taking care of someone and changing their lives. He is not interested in preying upon them but he is adamant about analyzing what they bring to the relationship table.

And the future economic one.

Just the fact that they would give him sex so easily, in his mind, translates into being weak. They will be an anvil, dragging him down to the bottom of the lake.

He feels he is better off alone.

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Why in today’s competitive world does a woman not get her college degree?

Simply put, our associate is an agreeable person but not someone who engages in random kindness.

How many times have we seen on film that beautiful woman are more attracted to emotionally unavailable and even unattainable men?

It is a classic and speaks to this discussion so clearly.

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Thief of Hearts is a 1984 American erotic drama film produced by Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer. It was written and directed by Douglas Day Stewart.

It stars Steven Bauer, Barbara Williams, John Getz and David Caruso.

Here is the storyline.

A burglar, Scott Muller (Steven Bauer), teams up with Buddy Calamara (David Caruso), a valet at a high-society restaurant. Buddy keeps an eye on Mickey and Ray Davis, a rich married couple, while Scott robs their home.

One night, one of the items Scott takes is a diary belonging to the wife (Barbara Williams). Scott reads the diary and discovers that the wife, Mickey, an interior designer, yearns for a more interesting life. He quickly becomes infatuated with her. The diary is full of her fantasies and dreams, so Scott plans to turn these into reality.

Mickey’s husband, children’s book author Ray Davis (John Getz), gets too involved in his work and neglects his wife’s needs.

Boy isn’t that one a cliché.

My husband makes a great living, allows me to do practically whatever I want and spend as much as I want, but he is not emotionally available.

So I’m going to have sex with a mysterious handsome young stranger.

It almost justifies the woman’s future adulteress behavior and treachery. She loves the security of the nice guy who makes a great living but yearns for the emotionally unavailable man.

Scott uses his inside knowledge to seduce her, using the pretext of needing someone to re-design his apartment, and posing as a school supply company CEO.

The forbidden romance soon blossoms into a passionate sexual relationship.

We could go on.

Ray Liotta as the ruthless cop in Unlawful Entry who attracts the attention of a nice hardworking guy’s beautiful wife.

Let’s update the women don’t like nice guys article search.

It is now February again, but this time 2021.

Dr. Chloe Carmichael Ph.D., who by the way, in our humble opinion, looks like a gorgeous blonde who doesn’t like nice guys either, states, “Many of my female clients complain that they don’t feel chemistry with nice guys, yet find themselves drawn to men who are unpredictable and keep them guessing.”

Like a thief of hearts. Or a ruthless handsome rogue cop.

Life is about balance.

At this point, let’s make it perfectly clear that none of the emotionally unavailable men are described as being abusive or violent towards women. Not a one. In fact, they act like complete gentlemen.

In part because they have nothing to lose, because emotionally, they have nothing invested.

Our associate above told us that when he talks to the nice guy types at his high school reunions, they often say that if they knew decades ago that women liked sex as much as they do, they would have been more sexually active in high school.

Our associate’s thought on that?

Horse puckey.

They were nice to the girls in high school to make up for their cowardly internal makeup. It wasn’t morality that kept them virgins. It was a lack of courage.

That’s why the high school girls liked the bad boys. They had guts. They got laid.

When it comes to being nice to women, some way, somehow, we have to find the balance because after all, here, in this sexual arena, nice guys don’t just finish last, they can’t even enter the race.

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