The importance of making a first impression is timeless.
It can be the foundation for great friendships or the straw on the mattress for future fiery competitions.
In the dignified female submission wrestling industry a first impression between a service provider and her customer can be the foundation for a long term mutually beneficial association that both will never forget.
As promised, this is part two of an excellent article from a guest writer Joshua Uebergang who speaks to this subject.
Please enjoy and learn.
20 Ways to Make a Good First Impression –Part two
- Show how great you are rather than telling. If you’re awesome and you want someone to know it, don’t tell them. Your actions, mannerisms, and attention must show you’re a killer person. A guy who talks about his Lamborghini before you go on a drive is an idiot, while a guy who takes you into his Lamborghini without a mention of it is impressive. You amaze people when they discover cool things about you on their own.
- Throw them a genuine compliment. Showering someone with compliments is sucking up. If you absolutely love someone’s hairstyle or outfit, make a point to tell them. You impress by complimenting a person on something they put effort into and hoped someone would notice.
You amaze people when they discover cool things about you on their own.
- Accept compliments with grace. A whine fits in here as well. People find it difficult to accept a compliment. A good response to “I like your outfit” is a simple “Thank you” rather than “Ugh, the color makes me look pale.” It’s okay to be praised and admired. Now is not the time to feel guilt.
- Make them feel great. I’ve given a couple tips on what to say to impress people because a great impression is about the feelings you create in other people. “They may forget what you said,” said Frederick Buechner, author of over 20 books on deep humanity, “but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
You get in a positive mood, dress stylishly, smile, shake hands well, make eye contact, and compliment – not for your own ego – but for the positive feelings you create in other people. I want you to go from asking, “Am I impressing the person?” to “How am I making the person feel?” Do what you can to make people feel great to leave a long-lasting emotional imprint.
- Cut negativity. You leave a bad emotional imprint with drama, depression, gossip, complaints, and criticism. If you complain about your uncomfortable outfit, your bad hair day, or “how faaaaat you look,” you come across as a negative person. If you go on and on about a health problem, you create in them a mental problem of a bad impression.
- Respect social rules. There is no need to stand out or risk breaking social rules. If you say something really off the wall or perverted, it will be remembered. The first time you meet someone, don’t mention your bladder leak on an airplane. There’s no excuse for that.
If you’re completely douched in cologne or perfume, it will be remembered. Subtle scents are fine and often attractive to others. But if you’re the guy that smells like an Old Spice commercial halfway across the bar, women will not woo you for attention.
- Be cautious about your alcohol consumption. If there is booze around, you probably want a drink or two to loosen up and get in the mood. Drinking to the point of being belligerently drunk and annihilated will screw your chances of being impressionable in a positive way.
- Follow the rules of etiquette. Each of your behaviors say something about you. If you have a potty mouth that unleashes foul language, you are seen as raw, rough, and rude. On the other hand, if you follow the rules of etiquette, you impress people with your punctuality and politeness.
Some basic rules of etiquette follow. Abstain from swearing. Open doors for others and keep them open. Arrive and leave events at the right time. Write thank you notes. If you eat or chew gum, don’t chew like a cow. Feed your stomach with a closed mouth. I have a follow up article teaching you 89 social etiquette tips.
- Get touchy. Socially acceptable touching is the most underused form of nonverbal communication. Appropriate touching connects people faster than words. Tap your target on the elbow during your approach to get their attention then shake hands. Touch people to emphasize a point in a story. Everyone loves a celebratory high-five.
- Get in sync. This means you nonverbally match someone you’re talking with. Alter your voice, posture, stance, gestures, and movements to mirror theirs. If they stand and move around the room, stand then walk with them. Once you’re in sync, they’ll feel you’re a typical friend just like them. It’s an effective way to make a good first impression.
- Pull everyone into the conversation. You can impress more than one person by baiting uninvolved group members into the conversation. A loudmouth guy may hog the spotlight, leaving others in the dark. You should talk to the whole group. Shift the attention onto the dormant conversationalists by asking questions like, “What’s your experience with that?” “What’s your opinion on this?” and “What do you think?” If you’re asked a question like “How do you spend your time during the day?” turn the same question onto them. People will be impressed with your social intelligence.
- You can be wrong. It’s okay to not have someone admit you’re right even when you know the truth. Righteously blind people irritate. If you cannot prove to a nut head the Earth is not the center of the universe, others in the group will admire your need to not be all knowing and wonder how your verbal combatant’s genes survived this long.
- Be unique. If you feel there’s nothing special about you, create something. Rarity is memorable and valued everywhere. We remember Elvis created a unique style of music. FedEx became known for the “overnight delivery” then hurt itself by competing with DHL for “worldwide”. When all mouth wash companies tried to make their product pleasurable in the mouth, Listerine came in and went the opposite way.
Rarity is memorable and valued everywhere.
Find something unique about you that can receive more attention. That one thing will stick in people’s mind. You will become the “pink hair girl”, “the funny coffee man”, or “the tall guy”.
- Show your sense of humor. If you’re witty, sarcastic, or dark with humor, it’s your personality and you want to show it. However, if you find yourself wanting to joke like, “A blonde walks into a bar. Ouch!” reconsider sharing it. Whatever you do, don’t try to start off with a funny opening line such as “So Helen Keller walks into a bar…” Talk to someone for a few minutes before determining whether or not your humor will be appreciated. Conversational humor develops throughout the interaction anyway.
- Let little troubles float by you. This is a lesson from my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. People with little power pick on little things. A couple walks down the street when one of them stumbles and the other replies, “Oh, watch your step.” A group of mates have a beer when one tips over his drink to which a mate jokes, “That was smart.” A boyfriend tries to empathize with his girlfriend when she sneezes by saying, “Oh, that was a nasty one.” Pointing out the obvious does not impress people. It makes you insensitive.
Famed painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso said, “The hidden harmony is better than the obvious.” Powerful people with prestige impress others by ignoring unimportant noise. They don’t point out the obvious because it’s emotionally unintelligent. They continue whatever they were doing. If they talk about a family problem at a restaurant when a waiter gives them a wrong order, they solve the hiccup and move on, instead of getting snared in drama. Poise and composure give people safety and certainty, both attractive qualities to create.
- Give people a second-chance. Based on the Princeton University research mentioned earlier, you know our first impressions of someone tend to remain throughout the conversation with them. What changes is our increased confidence that our quick judgments were spot on. People will give you a bad first impression. You may think a new co-worker is a cow, a guy at a party should jump off the balcony, or a girl is a drama queen. Give people another chance to impress you to become friendlier, impressing people.
If you had a mind-blank at the start of a conversation with a stranger, you’d feel they’re pretty amazing if they came up to you later and said, “Never mind about our ‘conversation’ before. I get mind-blanks all the time. What’s your name?” What a caring and impressive person!
- Stop over-thinking. “My hair looks bad.” “I forgot to iron this shirt.” “What if everyone hates me?” “What if I have a zit?” Stop it. Insecurities are the greatest turn off according to author Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction.
You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you knew how little they do.
You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you knew how little they do. Nobody’s going home saying, “Ugh, did you see his hair? It was combed slightly too far to the left.”
- Remain calm. Don’t freak out if things go unplanned. Since you’re now thinking positive thoughts, keep your pants clean should things go haywire. If you trip, if you choke on your food, if you just don’t get along with someone you thought you’d click with, no worries. People’s actions do not matter; your reactions do.
- Make a good last impression. We learned from the Princeton University study that people look for information to validate their first impression of someone. Leaving a conversation on a positive note gives people further proof their initial judgment is right – that you’re a great person.
Masters like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods know how to finish strong. Become a conversation master by skipping the Houdini stunt of vanishing from the conversation. Use the “high returns” technique from Big Talk:
Appreciate something specific about the person by reflecting one thing the person talked about. Examples include: “I need to go now, but it has been great to receive your expertise on…” “Thank you for the great time together.” “I’m off to hunt down a friend, but it has been a pleasure to hear about your overseas journeys.” The person will leave the conversation on a high and love you for it.
- Snare the chance to repair. What do you do if someone kindly approaches you and you give them the cold shoulder because you just lost your job? You can kick yourself for screwing up an impression or you can work with what’s happened by repairing your dirty ditch. Get the person aside then correctly apologize by admitting your mistake. Show your guilt, let the person respond, then move on. Use the other tips to make a better impression: put yourself at ease, let the trouble float by you, and make the conversation about them.
If all 40 ways to make a good first impression overwhelm you, they have a counterproductive effect. Take a few deep breathes. Let the tips fall back into your mind. You will unconsciously act out what you learned. When the day is over, you will be impressed by the people you impressed.
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Source: Joshua Uebergang aka “Tower of Power”
Joshua Uebergang, aka “Tower of Power”, teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to http://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/